Attn: What Is Citizens United?

The Free American takes on Citizens United.

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Attn: Votes Are Cheap And For Sale


Apparently all it takes to buy a vote is $200 and a shoddy congressman. But I bet if that congressman would have put on a nice dress and some lipstick, he could’ve charged more.

Who is this congressman of the night who turned on his red light for some financial foreplay? It would be none other than Representation Vance McAllister. In a recent interview, McAllister detailed how he chose to vote in opposition to a Bureau of Land Management bill because the environmentalist supporters were not the highest bidder; if only McAllister took payment in the form of hemp necklaces and haikus.

What’s most unsettling about this news is how McAllister sought advice from a fellow congressman whose recommendation resembles a rudimentary math equation. This means that this is not just an issue of one dumb congressman putting legislation up for sale, it’s an entire neighborhood yard sale of dumb congressmen coming together to hawk off their votes.

It does not matter how much money or incentives they present you with, there is one fundamental truth that every politician should know: Politics Is Not For Sale

There is no price tag that can be affixed upon the ‘one person, one vote’ democracy that men and women have lost their lives to preserve. To disregard your moral compass and make your decisions based on personal incentives is to wash away all the sacrifices that have gone into crafting our great nation’s political landscape.

Attn: You Say Potato, I Say Politics


Since the introduction of WebMD, everyone thinks they’re an expert. The newest MDs on the block? Potato lobbyists.

A fight between these lobbyists and nutrition experts has been baking in the oven since 2005 over the exclusion of the potato from the list of approved items on the WIC food program. These potato lobbyists have not bent on this issue, probably due to their highly starched suits. The WIC program currently provides its 8.7 million users, primarily women and children, access to essential supplemental nutrition such as milk, eggs, and infant formula.

While independent nutrition experts at the Institute of Medicine have stated that women and children are receiving enough starch in their diets, the potato lobbyists have the tater tots to disagree; they know what your family truly needs, and they just also happen to be the ones that sell it.

Critics might state the lobbyists are only using their influence to get on the approved WIC items list in order to serve as a marketing tool. And critics might also state that allowing for this special-interest group to lobby their way into legislation might open the floodgates for a democracy that resembles some hybrid of eBay and Grinder where poor decision-making leads to painful outcomes. Finally, critics might say Senator Susan Collins is only spearheading the inclusion of the potato on the WIC due to a conflict of interests since she represents the potato-rich state of Maine.

And critics should say all of those things.

We should be disgusted to live a “democracy” where the nutritional needs of our nation’s women and children can be overshadowed by the influence of lobbyists whose only goal is to profit.

Attn: No Sleep Till Crooklyn


Great news from New York! It was recently discovered that Brooklyn’s former District Attorney, Charles Hynes, took it upon himself to donate money seized from criminals back to a local non-profit organization: Charlie Hynes’ re-election campaign. I guess Brooklyn should reconsider having the District Attorney and Police Department share a joint bank account.

The 27-page report that illuminated Hynes’ poor money handling skills also shined a light on his improper relationship with Judge Barry Kamins. Judge Kamins would routinely give Hynes advice on matters such as where to take his wife for their honeymoon, how to throw the perfect football spiral, and also how to stack a panel that was investigating wrongful imprisonments with his supporters, possibly leading to innocent men and women being thrown behind bars.

This is what happens when politicians binge watch Breaking Bad and House of Cards.