Attn: The Golden Shower of American Politics


Republican or Democrat – those are the two parties that you have to choose from. How is it that a melting pot of cultures has boiled itself down to a choice of two options? It is strange how when you take a mixture of Hispanic, African, Chinese, and countless other ethnicities, shake-it up, and strain, you are left with mostly rich white men dominating the political playing field.

The two-party system has lead to a partisan divide where even the simplest task cannot be accomplished. I even heard rumor of the bathrooms on Capital Hill removing the Men and Women signs in favor of ones based on party affiliation. It’s only a matter of time until we have Republican-Only water fountains.

Due to these partisan-lines, we have now witnessed the most inefficient congress in American political history.

Politicians would reject passing a piece of legislation that would cure cancer if it would benefit the guys sitting on the other side of the aisle. The easy solution to partisan problems is reverse psychology. For example, if Democrats wanted to legalize gay marriage, all they truly had to do was openly oppose it. Republicans would be all over gay marriage like Steve on Rick.

But why did a system that was intended to be “for the people, by the people” turn into “you can choose Option A, or you can choose Option B.” What if there is an Option C that is truly a better candidate than the Republican or Democratic candidates? How is it that when it is time to vote for our representative, the ballot resembles a wedding RSVP? Why are we told to choose between chicken and fish?

A main cause of this is that the money that is currently flooding the streets of Washington is leaving the smaller, less-financially endowed candidates gasping for air. The struggling single mother of two doesn’t have the money to afford clarinet lessons and a nation-wide advertisement campaign.

Republicans and Democrats are in a political space race trying to outspend the other. While the candidates who aligned themselves with either the Republican or Democratic Party are busy using their campaign contributions to build a space station, the other candidates are stuck looking through a telescope and trying desperately to launch a monkey into space.

In this day and age of technological advancements, we shouldn’t have to be exposed to a political shouting match that leaves some voices unheard. Politicians shouldn’t have to use a big budget to convince us that they are the worthy candidates for office; their policies should speak for themselves.

Unfortunately though, Washington is embroiled in one big pissing contest, and “we the people” are the ones truly on the receiving end of that golden shower. And since PACs are constantly pouring money into the elections, these politicians stay hydrated.

Zip up your pants Washington. The pissing contest stops now. And remember, if you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.