Kids and Lead Toys

This video is about the American Chemistry Council and how they “care” about our nation’s kids.


Attn: The Golden Shower of American Politics


Republican or Democrat – those are the two parties that you have to choose from. How is it that a melting pot of cultures has boiled itself down to a choice of two options? It is strange how when you take a mixture of Hispanic, African, Chinese, and countless other ethnicities, shake-it up, and strain, you are left with mostly rich white men dominating the political playing field.

The two-party system has lead to a partisan divide where even the simplest task cannot be accomplished. I even heard rumor of the bathrooms on Capital Hill removing the Men and Women signs in favor of ones based on party affiliation. It’s only a matter of time until we have Republican-Only water fountains.

Due to these partisan-lines, we have now witnessed the most inefficient congress in American political history.

Politicians would reject passing a piece of legislation that would cure cancer if it would benefit the guys sitting on the other side of the aisle. The easy solution to partisan problems is reverse psychology. For example, if Democrats wanted to legalize gay marriage, all they truly had to do was openly oppose it. Republicans would be all over gay marriage like Steve on Rick.

But why did a system that was intended to be “for the people, by the people” turn into “you can choose Option A, or you can choose Option B.” What if there is an Option C that is truly a better candidate than the Republican or Democratic candidates? How is it that when it is time to vote for our representative, the ballot resembles a wedding RSVP? Why are we told to choose between chicken and fish?

A main cause of this is that the money that is currently flooding the streets of Washington is leaving the smaller, less-financially endowed candidates gasping for air. The struggling single mother of two doesn’t have the money to afford clarinet lessons and a nation-wide advertisement campaign.

Republicans and Democrats are in a political space race trying to outspend the other. While the candidates who aligned themselves with either the Republican or Democratic Party are busy using their campaign contributions to build a space station, the other candidates are stuck looking through a telescope and trying desperately to launch a monkey into space.

In this day and age of technological advancements, we shouldn’t have to be exposed to a political shouting match that leaves some voices unheard. Politicians shouldn’t have to use a big budget to convince us that they are the worthy candidates for office; their policies should speak for themselves.

Unfortunately though, Washington is embroiled in one big pissing contest, and “we the people” are the ones truly on the receiving end of that golden shower. And since PACs are constantly pouring money into the elections, these politicians stay hydrated.

Zip up your pants Washington. The pissing contest stops now. And remember, if you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.

Attn: You Say Potato, I Say Politics


Since the introduction of WebMD, everyone thinks they’re an expert. The newest MDs on the block? Potato lobbyists.

A fight between these lobbyists and nutrition experts has been baking in the oven since 2005 over the exclusion of the potato from the list of approved items on the WIC food program. These potato lobbyists have not bent on this issue, probably due to their highly starched suits. The WIC program currently provides its 8.7 million users, primarily women and children, access to essential supplemental nutrition such as milk, eggs, and infant formula.

While independent nutrition experts at the Institute of Medicine have stated that women and children are receiving enough starch in their diets, the potato lobbyists have the tater tots to disagree; they know what your family truly needs, and they just also happen to be the ones that sell it.

Critics might state the lobbyists are only using their influence to get on the approved WIC items list in order to serve as a marketing tool. And critics might also state that allowing for this special-interest group to lobby their way into legislation might open the floodgates for a democracy that resembles some hybrid of eBay and Grinder where poor decision-making leads to painful outcomes. Finally, critics might say Senator Susan Collins is only spearheading the inclusion of the potato on the WIC due to a conflict of interests since she represents the potato-rich state of Maine.

And critics should say all of those things.

We should be disgusted to live a “democracy” where the nutritional needs of our nation’s women and children can be overshadowed by the influence of lobbyists whose only goal is to profit.

Attn: Washington is Going Bananas


Chiquita is shifting their focus from using their banana influence to derail Mario and his Kart to throwing the brakes on legislation that would aid 9/11 victims. Over the past year, Chiquita has spent approximately $780,000 on lobbying efforts in order to prevent the passing of the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, a bill designed to “ensure an individual’s right to seek personal accountability from those who finance any act of terrorism on American soil.” As it stands now, terrorism financiers are able to escape from any liability as long as the groups they funded are outside of US borders.

But why would Chiquita have any hand to play in this matter? It’s not like the Chiquita Banana Girl has been secretly hiding weapons of mass destruction in her bowl of fruit all these years… or has she? Times like these are when I miss Bush’s “Act First, Think Later,” policy.

Well, between 1997 and 2004, the Chiquita Corporation gave $1.7 million in payments to the United Self-Defense Forces of Columbia (AUC), a group known for drug trafficking and mass murder. I guess I would try branching out too if I had to deal with fruit on a daily basis; just pepper in some massacres, and you have yourself an interesting day.

While already having paid a $25 million fine for their large donations, with the passage of JASTA, Chiquita would be splitting their peels with the possibility of facing charges for the acts of terrorism and murder committed by the AUC.

Chiquita claims that their payments were in response to extortions made by the terrorist organization. This is what happens when your mascot is a girl with a bowl of fruit on her head; terrorist organizations think they can walk all over you.

The JASTA bill currently sits with the House Judiciary Committee, which is chaired by Representative Bob Goodlatte. Hopefully, Representative Goodlatte will be unbiased in his decision-making and see how this bill will positively imp- nope, Chiquita got to him. Damn.

This past month Goodlatte announced that he would not be supporting passage of the JASTA bill; just another example of how money, corporations, and fruit terrorists are ruining America.

So put down your bananas America and pick-up a cheeseburger. It’s time to show Chiquita what a America is all about: heart disease and political freedom.

Attn: The 99% Desperately Need A Car

ImageWell apparently the 99% needed to stretch their legs after the occupy movements. An organization called 99Rise has embarked on a 480-mile long “March for Democracy” in an effort to increase awareness on the corrupting influence money is having on the American political landscape.

When asked about his decision to make such a long trek, Forrest Gump stated that he had never heard of the “March for Democracy.”

The members of this grassroots organization base their stance on the “one person, one vote” model that strives to reclaim democracy for the people.

After achieving campaign finance reform, I assume the next goal for 99Rise is saving up money for a car.

For more information on 99Rise and their “March for Democracy” please visit